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COVID-19: Kenya Receives Ksh 5.3 Billion From World Bank

by Hillary Raini
written by Hillary Raini

Kenya has received a Ksh 5.5 billion support from World Bank.

The World Bank Group board of directors have approved the funds in immediate funding to support Kenya’s response to the global COVID-19 (coronavirus) pandemic.

This is under a new operation – the Kenya COVID -19 Emergency Response Project.

The project will provide emergency funding for medical diagnostic services, surveillance and response, capacity building, quarantine, isolation and treatment centres.

The funds will also go into medical waste disposal, risk communications and community engagement as well as for strengthening of the country’s capacity to provide safe blood services.

“This new fast track facility will assist Kenya in its efforts to prevent, detect and respond to the threat posed by COVID-19 and strengthen national systems for public health preparedness,” Carlos Felipe Jaramillo, World Bank Country Director for Kenya said.

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Lifestyle

Tips to Surviving 365 Days of January

by Hillary Raini
written by Hillary Raini

It is not uncommon to get hard up in January. January is stated to be the longest money hangover month of all year. 2020 being a new decade “watu wametoka ushago”walituachia tokens zikipiga kelele kwa ploti here is where to start from

1 Avoid luxury To survive 

Let your body marinate on the fats and nyama choma that was being eaten profusely during December. Learn to survive like a camel in the desert. It’s time to invest in mama mboga and keep fit with Sukuma wiki

2 Ignore TV or WI-FI subscriptions

It’s time to make use of your bonga points. Redeem those things as though u were redeeming your life. Avoid wifi unless it’s free. Potea online kidogo with the excuse of you are planning your 2020  but at the back of the mind you are aware of how life has slapped u . Unless otherwise if you can use the WIFI to download images of nyama choma as u enjoy water and KDF

Also Read: Going to Shags For Christmas? Here is a Travel Advisory

3 Stay indoors

Wacha peer pressure. Its time you bonded with cockroaches and mosquitoes in your lovely bedsitter. This in turn helps you save money that could have burna boyed itself to events and dates

4. Go for affordable, secondhand items

Gikomba and Mutindwa markets should be your best friends. Remember the saying “The early bird catches the worm” wake up for morning preps and Go fetch those nice  classy mitumba

5. Avoid Loans

Fuliza Mshwari Tala Opesa Branch and whatever loan apps that may try to seduce you during this long month should be your worse enemies. As much you are their trusted customers avoid avoid avoid. Lipa Fuliza Kwanza

6 Use commuter train services  

People Also Read: Notable Characteristics of a Kenyan Sponsor

Madaraka express pale Railways should be bae to you .Instead of using taxi apps to and from work, you can opt for a commuter train.

It is cheap, reliable and faster to use a train. For instance, if you live in Kibera, Embakasi, Kikuyu, Syokimau then the train is the best option to use as a survival tactic in ‘Njaanuary.

’It will cost you only Sh 60 daily on a train

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Lifestyle

Going to Shags For Christmas? Here is a Travel Advisory

by Hillary Raini
written by Hillary Raini

IF you are NOT blessed enough to own personal means then u surely must have headed to COUNTRY Bus(waluhya) ama pale AFYA center(wakisii )to book a mbukinya or a transline bus to facilitate your travel to mashinani

Below are some of the habits to avoid in favor of your fellow passengers

FEEDING HABITS

Eat from your house and head to the bus station on a full stomach. If u can’t eat from home wait until you arrive at the designated stopping point. Some of us are very broke to sustain the chicken and chips aroma that you are inflicting on us as we travel.  Avoid foods that can inflict bodily harm to your bus mates.   Sugar cane is not advisable during travel. You may inflict your neighbor with unplanned injuries while trying to exercise the INEOS kipchoge challenge on sugarcane

Avoid foods that can cause neema to arrest you for being biologically hazardous to the environment and Stop pouring food on us .You can’t eat a cocktail of yoghurt eggs and groundnuts then expect a positive response from your stomach.

COMMUNICATION SKILLS

We don’t want to hear how Duale your village dog raped Rex the City chiuwawa .In short we are not interested in your nonsensical phone conversations. If u must speak to us make sure your dental formulae is clean. We are tired of the heavy hazardous smell of last night’s Guinness while trying to make us laugh to your unfunny long stories

SLEEPING HABITS

If your neck can’t handle your big Head kindly try to stabilize your head somewhere else when sleepy.  Kama uko na Tabia ya kuachia wenzako stain ya Mate ukiwa umelala panda punda

CHILDREN

If family planning dint work for you please don’t involve us with your six children if you can’t pay their bus tickets and facilitate their feeding.  The habit of “nishikie huyu” or “amka baba ukule na uncle”   uncle?? Where? Who? How?

MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS

If you can’t keep your eyes to yourselves, watch the moving trees outside and Stop poking your nose to our phones. To phone owners keep your private matters private and put on headphones. We are not interested in your coarse voice notes with your TWA TWA partner

Finally travel safe and happy festivities

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Lifestyle

Notable Characteristics of a Kenyan Sponsor

by Hillary Raini
written by Hillary Raini

Sponsoring something (or someone) is the act of supporting an event, activity, person, or organization financially or through the provision of products or services.

The individual or group that provides the support, similar to a benefactor, is known as a  sponsor, However in Kenya sponsorship” is the concept of an older, wealthier man taking care of a pretty younger, attractive girl in exchange for ‘a one minute TWA TWA session not unless the sponsor has been hitting the gym then he can surpass the one minute mark by 30 seconds

Sponsorship typically comes in the form of treats as well as cash allowance. The man gives the girl money. The girl gives the man sex companionship.

In the end, both parties go home happy while most likely equipped with fresh STIs to transmit

Here are the notable characteristics of A Kenyan sponsor

They do it privately

A good number of Kenyan sponsors are well respected men who you wouldn’t suspect are banging their daughters’ age-mates under the radar.

Their actions aren’t always immediately discernible. A sponsor  will expect a relationship that’s discreet and private regardless of why he’s having an affair, he likely has no intention of ending his marriage.

He is just looking for an escape—he wants to fulfill that adventurous fantasy of being with a beautiful younger woman, but still wants to be able to go home to his normal life.

Pot belly

Kenyan sponsors look like they are the ones that get pregnant after sex, They look like they ate all the previous girls they slept with.

I wonder how the young girls manage to survive under all that weight. These girls must be having hidden ‘Samsonic’ powers in those weaves or something because their ability to handle all the heaviness is  something else After all, sponsors can only do the missionary position. Any other position would give them a heart attack. 

Extremely thirsty They prefer the time frame between “hello” and TWA TWA” to be as short as possible, in that they don’t waste too much time chasing a girl. What they do is just dangle the opulence to potential gold-digging targets . Same way a home owner dangles a bone to a dog and it comes running

Sponsors are more thirsty than Savanna buffalos looking for water in a National Geographic wildlife documentary. Despite the excessive sex  they get, their thirst stagnates at alarmingly high levels.

They wallow in desire and revel in female submission.

Super generous.

They  are the everyday Santa Claus, only that their gifts are target-specific. A sponsor understands that the ordinary, beautiful young woman is broke and in desperate need of a good life.

He thus takes advantage of this by feeding young girls cash plus treats and making them addicted to the life. A sponsor understands that no girl can refuse to kiss his unevenly shaped lips after buying her dinner at Kempinski and gifting her an I-phone 10 plus.

It’s all part of the trade and part of the world as we know it at the moment.

Controlling.

A sponsor will most likely want to be in control of when and where the relationship plays out. He doesn’t tolerate instances of a girl calling and asking “Uko wapi? Nikam?” Sponsors mean what they say. These men are interested in control.

They don’t want a forceful woman. They have enough of that already. They want a girl who’ll be a pretty flower. For each favor they dish out, they expect a woman to bend over backwards to appease them.

Sponsors are all over and they are here to say. Unless the girls decide to suddenly embrace morals. To us young guys, they are competition – strong competition.

You just have to be a smart and dominant male to avoid kissing the same female lips that were kissing your grandfather during the weekend

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Latest NewsLifestyle

Top 7 Bedsitter Hacks

by Hillary Raini
written by Hillary Raini

Apart from being able to watch your favourite series while taking a bath a bedsitter enables you to see all your life’s worth in a blink of an eye ..I mean what can be more satisfying than doing all your house chores from one position

The problem comes in when kplc decides to award you with darkness and you can’t remember where you put your knife so u have to tiptoe carefully as if u had landmines in your house. This is to avoid any unplanned injuries leave alone the bruises your only sufuria  gave you while milk was at the brim of misbehaving (you know how milk can misbehave while boiling)

Lets get to basics what is a bedsitter( to our rich friends who dont relate with the struggle)  this is a one-roomed unit of accommodation typically consisting of combined bedroom and sitting room with cooking facilities, basically u have everything in one room .. a slight mistake and you could be sending your supper to the toilet ..”unaeza tegwa na cable ya charger uangukie githeri imwagike kwa choo”  In bedsitters, you don’t pay rent. You give the landlord a token

Most campus students or new employed Kenyans will go for a bedsitter because it is affordable and it allows them to purchase household staffs at their own pace. In Kenya, the more spacious a bedsitter is, the more expensive it will be.. the average bedsitter of a common mwananchi goes for about 4 to 8k ..

Even with a small budget you can make your little palace favourable and comfortable .

1. EGGS

A crate of eggs should never miss in your little palace .eggs can come in handy in a bedsitter especially when you keep asking yourself “Leo ntakula nini” go to mama mboga get yourself sukuma wiki for ten Bob combine with two eggs and you are good to go…or when your prayer partner sleeps over and you want to make her the breakfast of champions. Confuse her with 3 slices of bread and 2 eggs  and see her smiling the entire day .

2 SUGAR

With sugar your life is sorted. Remember back then in highschool how sugar used to make you a king/queen.. now in a bedsitter vitu kwa ground si tofauti.  Sugar comes in handy especially in preparing your beverage, whether its cold power or a hot one depending on the status of  your stove or gas. You can prepare tea as you plan on what to eat and before your stomach realizes u are already asleep.

For the KDF lovers try  adding groundnuts in between your KDF and if ur lucky enough to afford an avocado ongeza kwa mix then take it home with tea.. thank me later

3. SALT

Add salt to taste is a popular phrase used in almost all recipes.. however minor it may seem salt is a great hack ..when life has played ” iyope” with u .. u can comfortably boil your meal and add salt without including cooking oil. When your prayer partner comes along and you don’t have cooking oil tell her you are preparing a cholesterol free meal and boil her meat don’t forget to add salt. When worse comes to worse ask those who have tried ugali and salt

4 WOOFER OR A BLUETOOTH DEVISE

Stock your bedsitter with a nice low budget woofer or put a Bluetooth speaker in a drum and you have your self a Sony 3d music system . Woofers help in minimising interior sound This in turn welcomes phrases as ” Niaje bro si unisaide keja yako mama anakam” . If u can afford a television set the better and if ur creative enough your tv can double up as a mirror .

Other notable hacks

5 Never grow a plant in your bedsitter – you might die at night as you compete for oxygen

6 When your prayer partner comes along for TWA TWA sessions make sure you leave your shoes outside and put hers inside so as to avoid comments from the nosy neighbours who can’t keep note of the thief who stole your khaki trousers but can keep note of who comes along to your house

7 A special shoutout to social media, which has made us all equal. You can put down a Top World Economist with a single tweet from your bedsitter in Wangige.

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Lifestyle

7 Common Characteristics of a Nairobi Slay queen

by Hillary Raini
written by Hillary Raini

Slay can mean “to kill a person or animal,” “to make someone laugh,” “to have sex with someone,” or “to do something spectacularly well,” especially when it comes to fashion, artistic performance, or self-confidence.

 In today’s era where social media is the order of the day a slay queen  has been quoted as  basically a diva, mostly from urban locations, that has reason to believe she is every man’s eye candy and the envy of every other woman.

She believes that women of her kind are superior and should thus be treated as such. However,others define slayqueens as Young and naive girls who apparently do not date broke men.

They spend hours on Snapchat and Instagram showing off things they don’t even own. Others may say Girls who do not have a wealthy background but appear as if they do.

They use malicious acts to attain cash, drink expensive alcohol, procure expensive cellphones. But back at home she’s a chicken chaser.

Here are the most common characteristics of a Kenyan (nairobian)Slayqueen

1. Blue ticks

Slay queens can ignore your texts untill you think twice about your phone.is it my phone that is a problem or iPhones don’t receive texts from cheap Android phones . It’s like your text is a Safaricom message or that “nitumie hizo pesa kwa hii number” message from a Kamiti inmate. You just keep seeing the slay queen of your dreams online most of the time, but she doesn’t respond, because she has “options.” – lots of options.However if u want a live action of The just concluded stone throwing party at kibera by-elections , Fail to respond to her texts . Slay queens have extreme double standards in life. A slay queen can’t stand waiting for a guy for 10 minutes for example. On the other end, she doesn’t see a big deal in being two hours late while the sun is playing bazokizo with you pale archives

2. Taking pictures with their legs curved and lots of filters

Look at the pictures of most slay queens and you might think they are suffering from Rickets – the condition that causes bowed legs in some children. Slay queens are obsessed with pictures and when she makes you her photographer, you’ll have to keep repeating the shots untill she is satisfied..she will pick one picture out of the possible kanyari (310) that u have taken. Note the saying vitu kwa ground ni different ..she will appear on a date looking different than what she has been sending in your dm.

3. Life of the party

A slay queen believes that being an obnoxious. shisha-loving party girl is all part of the good life. Despite the fact that she’s puked in all the washrooms of all Kenyan clubs, a slay queen will pretend to be too cool for local music. Ask her if she’s heard Timmy Tdat’s latest song and she’ll be like “Ati Timmy Tdat? Who’s that? I don’t do local music and when a gengeton track drops she twerks her soul out while shouting to the lyrics as though she was in a football pitch supporting Gor mahia

4. Accent

Slay queens tweng harder than PLO Lumumba. All their speeches are littered with phrases such as “Wharreva”, “So cute”, “Do I look fat?”,”I’m done with..” and “Oh my gosh” depending on the mood. Despite the slay queen’s penchant for accents, she has very poor grammar.  A slay queen doesn’t know the difference between your and you’re, I’m and Am, as well as many other English connotations. She never will. And she will be offended if you point that out.

5.Outrageous preferences for men

Slay queens have crazy standards when it comes to the kind of men they want, even when they don’t deserve such men at all. They believe that only the best of the best will suffice for their romantic life. My guy if u dont stay in kile lavi or Westlands hauna Chako more so if u don’t drive.  Money is number one for a slay queen, with looks a close second. A slay queen doesn’t care if her boyfriend is smart or a decent human being , so long as he looks cool and has some cash. And as long as he’s buying her Guarana at Kiza. And as long as she can talk to her girls about her boyfriend who buys her Guarana at Kiza, she’s happy

6. Oversharing on social media

A slay queen likes to over share with everyone on social media. She is out there trying to make others feel inferior and peer pressured by fake material things .. she will post “the weekend has begun.”, work hard enjoy life,” “depressed,” slaying “That amazing feeling when you get home and take off your bra,”men are thrash “My puppy died…..so sad ? RIP Toto….you were so adorable.”

7. Dumbness

A slay queen will know what is the name of Kim Kardashian’s cousin’s sister or what was the color of cardi B’s dress on a post she posted three months ago but she has no idea where Syria is, or what’s BBI.

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